Upper-Intermediate - Chinese Identity (D0466)

有时候我真不知道自己属于哪里。
yǒushíhou wǒ zhēn bù zhīdào zìjǐ shǔyú nǎli 。
Sometimes I really don’t know where I belong.

怎么说？
zěnme shuō ？
What do you mean?

虽然我在美国长大，但是我们是那种特别传统的华人家庭。我一直都和爸妈住在一起。他们比美国的父母严厉多了。所以我不像美国朋友那么自由。但是，我和爸妈的关系还是很亲密的。
suīrán wǒ zài Měiguó zhǎngdà ，dànshì wǒmen shì nàzhǒng tèbié chuántǒng de huárén jiātíng 。wǒ yīzhí dōu hé bàmā zhù yīqǐ 。tāmen bǐ Měiguó de fùmǔ yánlì duō le 。suǒyǐ wǒ bù xiàng Měiguó péngyou nàme zìyóu 。dànshì ，wǒ hé bàmā de guānxi hái shì hěn qīnmì de 。
Even though I grew up in the States, ours is a very traditional Chinese family. I’ve always lived with my mother and father. They’re a lot stricter than other American parents, so I’m not as free as my American friends. Still, I’m really close to my parents.

那你来中国学中文是你自己的决定还是他们叫你来的？
nà nǐ lái Zhōngguó xué Zhōngwén shì nǐ zìjǐ de juédìng hái shì tāmen jiào nǐ lái de ？
Then was coming to China to learn Chinese your own decision, or did they tell you to do it?

是他们叫我来的。其实一开始，我并不情愿离开加州，我觉得那是世界上最好的地方。但是现在我反而更享受这里的自由。我可以独立地生活、学习、交朋友。
shì tāmen jiào wǒ lái de 。qíshí yī kāishǐ ，wǒ bìng bù qíngyuàn líkāi Jiāzhōu ，wǒ juéde nà shì shìjiè shàng zuìhǎo de dìfang 。dànshì xiànzài wǒ fǎnér gèng xiǎngshòu zhèlǐ de zìyóu 。wǒ kěyǐ dúlì de shēnghuó 、xuéxí 、jiāo péngyou 。
They told me to do it. Actually, I wasn’t at all eager to leave California at first. I felt it was the best place in the world. Now, though, I really appreciate my freedom here. I can live independently, study, make friends.

这不是很好吗？
zhè bù shì hěn hǎo ma ？
So isn’t that good?

可是我对自己的身份很困惑。在这儿，大家都把我当成中国人，这让我很有压力。其实我的很多想法和做法都美国化了，所以从这方面来说，我并不是一个中国人。
kěshì wǒ duì zìjǐ de shēnfèn hěn kùnhuò 。zài zhèr5 ，dàjiā dōu bǎ wǒ dāngchéng zhōngguórén ，zhè ràng wǒ hěnyǒu yālì 。qíshí wǒ de hěn duō xiǎngfǎ hé zuòfǎ dōu měiguóhuà le ，suǒyǐ cóng zhè fāngmiàn láishuō ，wǒ bìng bù shì yī ge zhōngguórén 。
But I feel confused about my own identity. Here, everyone treats me like a Chinese person, and that gives me a lot of pressure. In reality, a lot of my ideas and habits are very American, so in that regard I’m really not Chinese at all.

你当然是，只不过你在美国长大。
nǐ dāngrán shì ，zhǐ bùguò nǐ zài Měiguó zhǎngdà 。
Of course you’re Chinese. You just grew up in the USA.

哎，这就是矛盾的地方。我常常问自己到底是哪国人？我既不完全是美国人，又不完全是中国人。还有一个大问题，就是我的未来。我男朋友是个土生土长的中国人。我们感情很好。但是他家希望我做个完美的中国太太。可是我的性格太独立了，没办法接受他们的想法。我甚至都不想要孩子。哎，现在我的脑子一片迷茫。谁能告诉我到底该怎么办呢？
āi ，zhè jiùshì máodùn de dìfang 。wǒ chángcháng wèn zìjǐ dàodǐ shì nǎ guó rén ？wǒ jì bù wánquán shì měiguórén ，yòu bù wánquán shì zhōngguórén 。hái yǒu yī ge dà wèntí ，jiùshì wǒ de wèilái 。wǒ nánpéngyou shì ge tǔshēngtǔzhǎng de zhōngguórén 。wǒmen gǎnqíng hěn hǎo 。dànshì tā jiā xīwàng wǒ zuò ge wánměi de Zhōngguó tàitai 。kěshì wǒ de xìnggé tài dúlì le ，méi bànfǎ jiēshòu tāmen de xiǎngfǎ 。wǒ shènzhì dōu bù xiǎngyào háizi 。āi ，xiànzài wǒ de nǎozi yīpiàn mímáng 。shéi néng gàosu wǒ dàodǐ gāi zěnme bàn ne ？
(sigh) That’s where the contradiction lies. I often ask myself: where am I really from? I’m not completely American, but not totally Chinese either. And there’s another big question: my future. My boyfriend is a local Chinese guy. We are really happy together, but his family wants me to be a perfect Chinese wife. My personality is too independent; I just can’t accept their ideas. I don’t even want children. (sigh) My thoughts are such a mess. Who can possibly tell me what I’m supposed to do?

其实你也不用想这么多。顺其自然吧。
qíshí nǐ yě bùyòng xiǎng zhème duō 。shùnqízìrán ba 。
Actually, you don’t need to overanalyze it. Just do what comes naturally.

Vocabulary

属于	shǔyú	to belong to
传统	chuántǒng	traditional
华人	huárén	Chinese
严厉	yánlì	strict
并不情愿	bìng bù qíngyuàn	not willing to
反而	fǎnér	instead
困惑	kùnhuò	confused
当成	dāngchéng	as
矛盾	máodùn	contradiction
土生土长	tǔshēngtǔzhǎng	locally born and bred
完美的	wánměi de	perfect
甚至	shènzhì	even
到底	dàodǐ	in the end
迷茫	mímáng	perplexed
顺其自然	shùnqízìrán	let something happen naturally
认同	rèntóng	identity
华裔	Huáyì	ethnic Chinese
美籍华人	Měijíhuárén	American-Chinese
宁愿	nìngyuàn	would rather
迷惑	míhuo	to puzzle
误解	wùjiě	misunderstanding
贡献	gòngxiàn	to contribute
老套	lǎotào	old things
一片景象	yīpiàn jǐngxiàng	piece
一片空白	yīpiàn kòngbái	blank space
顺应	shùnyìng	comply with
情绪	qíngxù	sentiment